Season 4: Episode 3

Ziva: You're threatened by Gibbs.

Tony: I am NOT.

Ziva: You've been whining all week like a little snitch.

Tony: (paused) The term is bitch.

Ziva: I know that. I was just being nice.

Season 3: Episode 24

Director Shepard: ...so when Pinpin handed Gibbs Kalhib's passport, it was good enough.

Ziva (nodding): To pass the mustard.

McGee: It's muster, not mustard.

Season 3: Episode 24

Tony: Go!

Ziva: Okayyy, but you're tying my feet.

Tony: HANDS.

Ziva: Those too.

Season 3: Episode 23

Ziva: I asked Tel Aviv if Captain Mahir is a blimp on their radar.

Tony: Blip.

Season 3: Episode 23

Ziva: DUCKY, DRIP IT!

Ducky: Did you mean drop it or zip it?

Ziva: Ugh! These American idioms are driving me up a whole.

Ducky: Well actually -- ugh nevermind.

Season 3: Episode 22

Ziva: Everyone's avoiding me! I'm being treated like a leopard!

Ducky: I believe the phrase is 'like a leper'.

Season 3: Episode 22

Ziva: You're the one who said 'no' to the muzzle, Tony! I wanted to shut his pothole hours ago.

Prisoner: Pie-hole! And by the way, we went to the Arby's drive-thru... there's no such thing as a ride-thru! How long have you lived here anyway?!

Season 3: Episode 21

Ziva: Your defense attorney is going to try to use her [Abby's] poor taste in men to impregnate her credibility.

Tony: Impugn

Season 3: Episode 20

Ziva: This woman is a total terd, yes?

Tony: The term is nerd.

Season 3: Episode 19

McGee: Do I come off unmanly?

Ziva: I think Tony was jerking your brain

McGee: Chain? Jerking my chain?

Ziva: Whatever. I think you come off as appropriately masculine. However perhaps not macho.

Season 3: Episode 19

Ziva: So now you're image is homo-pubic?

Tony: It's homophobic.

Season 3: Episode 18

Ziva: She asked if you had the cazonas for this, yes?

Tony: Cahones.

Season 3: Episode 18

Ziva: Very well trained. Cody was covering his plates.

Tony: Bases.

Season 3: Episode 17

Ziva: Do you mind if I grab a bat nap?

Ranger: No, just hang from the rafters.

Season 3: Episode 17

Ziva: GREAT... it'll be like finding a pin in a hay stack.

Tony: it's needle in a hay stack.

Ziva: Aren't pins just as hard to find?

McGee/Tony (at the same time): No.

Season 3: Episode 17

Ziva: He asked me out tonight. I said no. I don't want him to think I'm sleazy.

Tony: the term is easy.

Ziva: What's the difference?

Tony: it's in the make-up, really.

Season 3: Episode 17

Tony: Maybe she's a black widow.

Ziva: Lions and Spiders and Bears - oh my! .... what? Mr. Movie doesn't know the wizard of oz?

Tony: Ahem. I'm talking about a predatory female here.

Season 3: Episode 15

Ziva: If the glue sticks...

McGee: Shoe fits.

Season 3: Episode 14

Ziva: I've learned from Gibbs you can attract more bees with honey

Tony: Flies.

Ziva: what do flies have to do with honey?

Tony: Flies don't like vinegar

Ziva: Vinegar?

Tony: It's complicated.


**questionable whether Ziva got this one wrong**

Season 3: Episode 13

PBJ Worker: Is your hacker that good?

Ziva: Does a bear sit in the woods?

PBJ Worker: Is this your cracker jack team?

Tony: She's Israeli

Ziva: I KNOW I got the bear thing right.

Season 3: Episode 13

Ziva: Don't worry Abby. Sometimes it's hard to see the jungle through the ferns.

Abby: Right.

Season 3: Episode 12

Ziva: That's quaint. We could be like those homo's in those old movies.

Tony: Hobo's. Not homo's.

Season 3: Episode 12

Ziva: Counting your riches King Cole?

Tony: Midas. King Cole had a merry ole' soul.

Season 3: Episode 12

Tony: Are you getting any service?

Ziva: I'm bra-less.

Tony: I know that. But you have bars on your phone.

Ziva: Don't you have anything better to do than correct my English?

Season 3: Episode 12

Ziva: I think we've just been screwed in here Tony!

Tony: The term is bolted.

Ziva: Same difference.

Season 3: Episode 11

Ziva: Well, I'd say that backfired large time.

Tony: It's big time.

Season 3: Episode 10

Ziva: Hallagan's on the goat... oh, not goat... sheep!

McGee: lamb?

Tony: It's lam. There's no b on the end by the way.

Ziva: Thank you.